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…are killing me.

I’m having trouble juggling. Not even with five balls of life, but just two – work and free time. I’ve already dropped health. Family’s not in the picture yet. The friends ball is in my pocket. I need to learn to find a balance soon, or I’ll have no juggling left to do.

Starting fresh at a giant corporate company is scary. It isn’t like co-op anymore, where at the back of your head, you can comfort yourself with the thought that you’re just a co-op. As a full-time, there are high expectations of you, and you have high expectations of yourself. To be the star of the team. Or above average at the very least. I don’t want to be a workaholic, but it’s happening. During one of the past internships, I saw emails and work done during weekends and 10pm on week days from my lead. I said to myself, I do not want to be like that. But life laughs at you in the face sometimes. Now I check work before Facebook. Work mail is like a second personal email that I want to check after I get home. Weekends are not work-free anymore. And the week passed by so fast, that it felt almost non-existent.

Maybe, maybe part of the high expectation is created by myself. Or so I’m hoping. So that I can tone done the amount of work I want to do after work-hours. Because I’m burnt out. But what if it’s not? …

Breathe Pauline. Breathe.

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