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The more I get to know about people, the more alone I feel.

今天 是朋友的生日.但一個簡單的聚餐卻讓我感到滿孤單的. In just three hours, I’ve lost count how many times I said “wth” to myself or couldn’t agree with what was done on a principle basis. People need to stop being so f-ing self-centered, and be considerate of other people. Treat them as you’d like to be treated. Showing appreciation is also important; nothing’s ever just supposed to happen. If others have been constantly saying the same thing about you, it’s properly true. Don’t deny it, go through some self reflection first please.

I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I can’t deal with all of this. I feel alone here.

Karma’s something that I really believe in, largely due to my religious belief. And to be specific, I believe in karma that lasts not just one life time, but throughout the cycles of birth and death. Anyway, it’s a little religious. Having said all of that, I’m not gonna laugh at your face when something horrible happens and tell you that’s karma; that you must’ve done something wrong.

But that’s how I deal with my problems.

If I felt like I’m been dealt wrong, or something horrible happens… There’s of course the initial phase of anger. But I try to tell myself that I probably did something wrong to the person in previous lifes. That I probably deserved this some way or another. I know it’s not something you can prove, it’s just something I believe in. This helps me refrain myself from saying bad things about someone; or do anything not-nice. And why punish yourself by being in shitty mood for something else someone did wrong. Right?

But it just doesn’t work this time.

There’s so much anger that I can probably slash my pillows with a knife.

It’s not a very pleasant feeling when no one appreciates the effort you put in.

Nor is it a pleasant feeling when no one is being very understanding. I’ve never been so big on the whole showing gratitude. I never know what to say when someone says thank you to me. Take something small as organizing a Christmas party. As long as they all enjoyed themselves, I’m good. But recently, some people aren’t very appreciative and understanding… and it’s a horrible feeling. Imagine if you’ve gone through lots of trouble to make things happen, only to find people take it for granted, or still find faults about it.

Next time put yourself into someone else’s shoe and consider what they have gone through to make things happen. Then say “thank you” with a genuine smile.