Because the topic of cheating came up several times, with different people, under different context… – When do you forgive when someone cheated on you?

I’m not talking about those one-time cheating that happens under alcoholic influences or what not… If that kinda cheating happens, I see it as a character flaw. Don’t need to forgive; it’s over. But it’s the other kind, that’s hard to decide. 

I used to think that it’s horrible, not that I don’t find it wrong now, but I used to believe it’s all one side’s fault. If it happened to me, I would probably hate the third person, and wished she hadn’t walked into his life. And so, after I forgive him and decide to trust him, it’d be all good… minus some bad memories. And the same if it happened to my friends, I’d hope for them that the third person didn’t exist in their lifes and still believe the relationship would work out after everything’s over. 

But now I think otherwise. 

Now I believe… cheating happens when there’s something wrong with the relationship. And so, I wouldn’t blame it all on the person who cheated and I wouldn’t hate the third person. Just because she/he happened to be there for him/her doesn’t mean they’re a horrible person. So I would forgive. But at the same time, if I forgive, I’m admitting there’s something wrong… And so, I’ll choose to just end the relationship there. It’s not that I don’t believe in solving problems in a relationship. To hold a relationship, there are a lot of communications and compromises. But something serious enough to let the other person cheat… It’s probably better letting him/her go.

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