Forever means forever to me. That’s why I don’t … say forever often. No matter how much I love the person… I’m not gonna mention forever. Once you say forever, it seems like a promise. … At least for me. And since I’m only 18, I admit I don’t know much what’s happening around me, not to mention what’s happening inside of me. As much as I woudl like to say I love you forever, i can’t. Cuz it’s something so uncertain. At the age of 18, there’s so much that can change… Promises aren’t made to be broken… Even though I dont’ mention forever… I still love you. And as typical as this sounds, I love you so much that I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you. But the sad thing is… I know that when we do break up, I’ll eventually stand up and get over it. No matter how long it’ll take…… I’ll learn to enjoy life afterward…even without you. That…thought alone…scares me enough.

At the same time, I’m a hypocrite. Im not saying “forever”, since it’ll probably not happen… Sorry, I just don’t have high hopes. Yet, I’m saying “love”. But do I really know what it is? It’s only been a month. Do I know enough of you to love you? …

blah have this huge urge to cross out everythign i wrote in his yearbook. Blah, I still have this… thing where I hate my own words… I can’t stand reading them, they’re so… disgusting, and ugh. I wanna take a red pen and go over and cover the words I wrote. The words that I wrote when I was feeling down. Or…just rip out the pages.